You've Got a Lot of Nerve!

Probably more than me, anyway.

Yes, it's been a minute since I've written here. I blew a mental gasket, followed by the realization that I'd run out of things to discuss. I mean, it's a blog about diabetes. To come here and rant about politics or religion would be inappropriate. "In my next post, I'll tell you about my favorite science fiction novels." Not what this blog was created for.

Yesterday, 28 February 2023. however, brought something old/new to my life: confirmation of how bad my neuropathy really is.

Now I know it's been bad. In the last decade, I've gone from calling it "diabetic neuropathy" to "advance diabetic neuropathy." That's because of the diagnosis of Charcot foot. It takes a lot of nerve damage for bones to start drifting, suffer minor dislocations, develop microfractures, and eventually start fusing together. For some reason, knowing all of that didn't upset me all that much. It was an inconvenience. It sucked. But it had next to no emotional impact.

Yesterday was different. I went for a test called an EMG, also known as an Electromyography. Oh, if you're not taking care of your diabetes, get ready for this bundle of fun! They place a few sensors in various spots, and then send a pulse of electricity through specific points to measure the nerve and muscle responses. The test has two parts. The first is when they deliver little jolts through the surface of your skin. The second involves inserting a needle to measure electrical activity in various muscles.

The doctor and nurse would say late in my visit that I was their most fun patient. I tried joking about everything. For example, the doctor was Muslim and I was brought up Jewish, so when she had to deliver a particularly painful jolt several times, I blurted, "This is because I'm Jewish, isn't it!" And during the surface shocks, when the nurse was getting no responses, I had a whole shtick about the doctor berating her about wasting time by running the test on a corpse. "Living patient is in room two. Dead person room one. Go test living patient." (I used a Russian accent. I don't know why.)

Those lack of responses... When the nurse had to turn the electrode all the way up and was barely getting a response... I may have been making jokes, but jolting a nerve that hard and seeing a flatline was bad news. I'd had this test in the past and can't recall it ever hurting. I believe they use microvolts. When cranked to 100 and shocking the nerve several times, only to see nothing on the graph was disheartening.

Usually when I go have tests like this, I'm out the door when they're done and I get the results some time later. Not this time. The doctor was able to tell me that, yes, I do have carpal tunnel in my right wrist. Whether or not I'd benefit from surgery would depend on an orthopedic consult. As for my diabetic neuropathy... It's bad. Very bad. The doctor said, "There's almost no muscle left," but then immediately corrected herself, "Well, there's very little muscle left. You obviously still have enough to move your fingers."

You obviously still have enough to move your fingers.

There's some Stephen King levels of horror in that statement. Have you seen The Shawshank Redemption or read Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption? Those don't seem like horror stories, do they. You have to consider the author. King often seeks to find the worst fears a person could think of and use those fears as the basis for stories. Imagine being in the wrong place at the wrong time, with circumstantial evidence stacked against you, and because the shock of events has caused you to shut down emotionally, you seem cold and uncaring during the murder trial. A murder you DID NOT commit. You're found guilty and shipped off to prison, where you're promised three hot meals a day, a bed, and a whole lot of new friends you'd run away from if you had the opportunity. That's terrifying. That's what "Stephen King levels of horror" means.

You obviously still have enough to move your fingers.

Imagine the alternative. "You don't have enough muscle to move your fingers properly anymore." To an extent, I'm already there. Holding out my hand, fingers straight and held together, you'd notice that my pinkies and ring fingers on both hands can't close the space between fingers completely. When I struggle to try to make them do what I want, the fingers tremble feebly, refusing to do what my brain is telling them to do.

Dead muscles. Immobility. The muscles have atrophied, not because I was inactive, but because my brain couldn't stay in touch with my muscles.

The doctor DID compliment me for taking steps some time ago to find a fun way of working my hands as a form of physical therapy. I bought 460 2x4 Lego bricks for somewhere around $30. Almost every day, I take apart the last thing I made and build a new thing. Think there isn't much to be built with only one type of brick? Let's take a look.

You might be wrong.

So that's about all I have for the moment. This realization of exactly how screwed my hands are has been emotionally draining. And until I think of something more to say, or someone actually asks me a question about diabetes, this blog will return to it's suspended animation.