Time for Me Time! (Or You Time.)

Okay, confess. How many of you Googled "kewpie doll" after the last post? C'mon, don't be shy. "I won't point and laugh," he said, pointing and laughing.

This blog about diabetes has been focused on a lot of doom and gloom. You shouldn't do this! Don't do that! You need to worry about the other thing! It really sets a person up for Failure Mentality. That feeling that the goals set in front of you are impossible to reach, so you might as well give up and embrace oblivion.

First, let me revisit the fact that diabetes is a pain in the butt. You have to keep an eye on your blood sugars, take your medication in a timely manner, and see your doctors regularly. There's also a lot of information about the disease that you should keep in mind. If you're young and relatively healthy, you have to think about how something like a lengthy bike ride might affect your blood sugar. If you're older and less mobile, like me, then you're trying to calculate the exact dose of insulin to take with every meal, because changing up our carb consumption is going to be too difficult at this late stage. Without a doubt, it's a mental juggling act.

Unfortunately, you can't ignore those aspects of diabetes. If you do, then feel free to reread all of the aforementioned doom and gloom, and then brace yourself for them to become a reality.

But if you can get a handle on your diabetes and keep your Hgb A1c between 6.0 and 7.0, then you have wiggle room to live a little more freely. Because truth be told, I'm a diabetic with a sweet tooth. And I cheat on my diet DAILY! 

"You want to know what the best junk food is? Ask a diabetic." I have been telling people this for decades. My latest favorite cheat? Cinnamon bears. Soft, chewy, tongue-tingling cinnamon bears. Mmmmmm! I could probably sit to watch a movie and polish off an entire bag.

But I don't. I can't. WE - you and I - CAN'T. That would be a guaranteed visit to the hospital, as well as the extreme discomfort of being sick enough to land there. So how do I do it?

I start with the near-ancient diabetic exchange diet. 15 grams of carbs = 1 piece of bread. I take a fixed number of units of insulin for each "bread" that's in a forthcoming meal. So if a label says there's 46 grams of carbs in the meal, I'm multiplying my dose per carb by three. (I'm not sharing actual numbers because I am EXTREMELY insulin resistant and take A LOT of insulin.)

If you're not seeing how I cheat, then I'm getting a solid gold kewpie doll and dropping it on your foot.

Okay, I'll explain anyway.

My dietary cheating comes with meals, and ONLY with meals. Taking randomly timed doses of insulin throughout the day is a quick way to wind up in a diabetic coma. (Have I even discussed insulin peak times? Let me know.) (See what I did there? I made a funny. Because no one comments. Ha-ha.) Having read the labels of my upcoming meal, I also read the label of what I want to cheat with. Those cinnamon bears of mine are pretty big, so three of them equals 22 grams of carbs. Six bears will be close enough to 44 grams, so I add three more "breads" to my insulin calculations. Now I'm all set for a meal and some dessert.

"But Rob... What if I'm out to eat with friends and want some cake or ice cream after a meal?" 

If you're keeping your A1c between 6.0 and 7.0, then you know your body pretty well. For a small serving, take at least enough insulin to cover one "bread." For larger servings, make it two. Later on, when it's time for that final test of the day, take a dose that covers any potential fallout from your cheating session.

Now that I've taught you all how to cheat on your fairly strict diet, let's get a few things straight.

1. If your Hgb A1c has been 7.1 or higher, don't cheat. Just don't. You need tighter control than that to live more freely. I haven't gone over 7.0 in... Okay, I'm honestly losing track, so let's say seven years. That's why I allow myself to have some fun with my diet.
2. Don't consult your dietician or endocrinologist for permission about this. No one is going to approve of you cheating on what's supposed to be a strict diet. They'll never say, "Sure, play Russian Roulette with gummy bears!" 
3. That said, when you bring your records to the medical professional trying to help you manage your diabetes, if there are upswings in your glucose that are a result of cheating, admit that and explain that that's why your sugar jumped so much. Better they should know than start thinking that you need major adjustments to your care, and they should be impressed with your honesty at the very least.
4. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, DO ANY BINGE EATING USING THIS CHEATING METHOD! This is not a free pass to go nuts with all of the things you shouldn't be eating. Diabetes management is still a delicate dance of medication, diet, and exercise. Binge eating is the equivalent of entering a mosh pit. Don't do it!

I think that covers all I have to say on the subject of cheating on a diabetic diet. So now it's time for the glorious ending of my post, where I say or do something silly.

With winter coming in, I'm completely 

with Bernard, Destroyer of Worlds.