"Mr. Hypo is My Friend"

You read this post's title correctly. Mr. Hypo is My Friend. Mr. Heroine and Ms. Morphine were NOT my friends. Just Mr. Hypo. He sucked then. He sucks now. He is NEVER invited over for the holidays... the jerk.

I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes in September of 1974. Certainly not the dark age of diabetes, but still far from modern methods of controlling it. And this short book was what constituted diabetes education for children back in the day. I have lots to say about diabetes education, but that's a rant for a different day. Today, I'm going to share with you this supposed educational booklet and my opinions of it.

Something to keep in mind is that some of this material was out of date when it was given to me!

Yeah, the bowtie really made Mr.

Hypo oh so endearing. 🤨

I don't care if they'd engaged the talents behind Looney Tunes; there was no way they were going to make insulin injections appealing to a seven-year-old.

Wait. Edison had juvenile diabetes?!?

How'd he live long enough to

"invent" anything?!?

Of those "very famous people," the only name I recognized was Edison. If he had juvenile diabetes, which is obviously not the case, then it was before insulin was available. (He lived between 11 February 1847 and 18 October 1931.) There was no way he would have lived long enough to steal from and malign Nikola Tesla... and electrocute an elephant. Oh, you don't know about that one? Yeah, Edison killed an elephant in a publicity stunt to try and embarrass Tesla.

I dunno if I want Mr. Hypo to be my friend.

He's actually looking pretty sinister here.

My doctor wasn't my friend. He was an idiot. One day I'll tell the tale of my diagnosis, but there's one special fact I'll share right now. He was a pediatrician named - of all the things to be named when diagnosing an insulin dependent diabetic - Dr. Needles. No joke! Y'know what children fear most about doctor visits? Shots and needles! So what part of this man's demented psyche made him think pediatrics was his perfect calling?!?

My teacher looked nothing like that.

"Mother and Daddy are your best friends." Ummm... No. They were my parents, not my best friends. My best friends would have joined me in drawing on the bedroom walls with crayons, not punish me for it. That's also some genuinely weird wording there. Pick a lane, book. "Mother and Father" or "Mommy and Daddy." Mixing the two causes me physical pain.

I'm not exactly sure what page 11 is referring to. My assumption is that this book was first made when syringes were made of glass and had to be boiled to sterilize them. That, or his "special house" was actually a condo in Miami.

Insulin is clearly in dire need of the

restroom in the upper left corner.

As far as I know, no insulin needs to be mixed today. Back in the day, however, I took an insulin called "NPH," (not Neil Patrick Harris), that had to be mixed before drawing up the dose.

Fluffy Cotton and her bedroom eyes.

The shameless harlot!

Drawing back the plunger, also know as aspirating, was meant to avoid injecting directly into a blood vessel. This was such an important step in taking an insulin dose that they abandoned it complete with the invention of insulin pens.

The only time a clock was my friend was

at 3:00 PM on a school day.

Page 19 is trying to describe Medic Alert bracelets and necklaces. In well over 47 years of being a diabetic, a Medic Alert bracelet helped me once. ONCE. It was back when I was 16. Y'see, I was...

Different story for another day.

Eating six meals a day might be why

you're a Type 2 diabetic today.

Just sayin'.

"Testing your urine is important and fun." Ummm... No. Testing your urine was gross and inaccurate. It takes a while for the body to create urine. During that time, blood glucose levels can vary drastically. Unfortunately, the Clinitest Set was the only testing method available at the time to chart glucose levels.

Dr. Needles did NOT love to read about

diabetes. Terrorizing children and

parents was more his style.

Amidst these pages, the only part that's still viable is testing for ketones, and if your insurance will spring for it, you can test your blood instead of urine with modern technology. And ketones are some dangerous juju, but explaining that in detail will come another day. For now, don't let that happen. "But Rob, I don't even know what it is that I shouldn't let happen!" Don't start! This is the exact kind of thing that has stopped me from inviting you to my birthday parties.

No, I cannot.

There you have it. Mr. Hypo is My Friend. Want to know what I learned from this little book when I was a kid? Not a damn thing. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. What little I DID learn about diabetes back then was from the hospital's diabetes educator, Doreen Small. A lovely woman for a brat of a patient. When she told me that sweets were no longer permitted, I stormed out of the room!

...without my IV pole.

Don't look at me like that. I got smarter... eventually. 😉